


Malfunction

by shadowfire125



Series: Ambivalence [6]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, human!Perry AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3400235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfire125/pseuds/shadowfire125
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the middle of a fight, one of Doofenshmirtz's arms short-circuits. Perry helps him, and the two of them end up forming an entirely new connection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hadn’t intended for this to be so long, or for it to end in sex, but here we are. Enjoy. (There's gonna be a short epilogue)

Blocking Perry with his right arm, Doofenshmirtz scrabbled with his left hand to grab something he could use as a weapon on the tool bench he was pinned up against. His fingers closed around the handle of a wrench just as Perry was winding up for another blow, and he swung it at the agent’s head. 

Suddenly, searing pain shot through his arm, across his left shoulder, and up his neck, lancing through his head so sharply he saw stars. The wrench fell from his hand and fell to the floor, missing Perry completely. Heinz swayed for a moment and then toppled sideways, landing on his bad arm. He barely managed to bite back an agonized scream. Through the blaze of pain, he struggled to think. Something must have gone wrong when he had calibrated his arm this morning – he _had_ been pretty bleary from only getting four hours of sleep. Judging from how much it hurt (oh _Gott_ ), he must have messed with the nervous system somehow. _Really badly_.

Slowly, he became aware of a voice calling his name. “…einz? Heinz!”

He stared up hazily at the figure hovering over him, trying to remember who else would be here. Who did he know with teal hair?

Memory struck. “Perry,” he croaked as his vision began to clear. The pain was still excruciating, but he did his best to shove it aside. He’d had worse. “Help me up?”

Perry’s throat clenched. The evil scientist sounded so plaintive, white as a sheet and shivering on the floor. He knew that, for just a moment there, Doofenshmirtz hadn’t recognized him. Reaching down, he helped Heinz to his feet as gently as he could. Even the slightest jostle drew a sharp hiss from the doctor, but he managed to stand. Up close, he looked even worse. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and the bags under his eyes looked like bruises against his pale, drawn face. Perry put his hand on Heinz’s right shoulder to steady him, and then his eyes widened. “Yer bleedin’.”

Doofenshmirtz’s eyes flicked to his damaged arm and saw a few small dots of red soaking through his lab coat. He must have pulled something when he fell. “ _Sheiße_ ,” he muttered under his breath.

Perry’s eyebrows went up a fraction. He’d never heard Doofenshmirtz actually curse before.

Doofenshmirtz wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Okay,” he said shakily. “I need to get down to my apartment. I’ve, I’ve got my major repair stuff there. Will…” He glanced at Perry nervously. “Will you help me?”

“A’course,” Perry replied.

Heinz tried to give him a grateful smile, but his facial muscles just weren’t in the mood. “T-thanks.”

The trip downstairs was, thankfully, fairly easy. The apartment was only one floor below and practically right next to the elevator. Heinz leaned against Perry as the agent took out his own key and unlocked the door.

“My study,” Heinz wheezed.

Perry helped him into the indicated room and eased Doofenshmirtz into the chair by the desk.

Heinz took a deep, unsteady breath and tried to relax. After a second, he tried to wiggle out of his lab coat, and what little color was left in his face drained away. Without prompting, Perry leaned in and slid the lab coat off his shoulders and down to his waist, where there was enough room to gently lift Heinz’s limp left arm out of the sleeve.

The next problem was the long-sleeved turtleneck. Heinz gestured to his left bicep. “Control panel.” It was getting hard to string more than two words together.

His heart nearly stopped when Perry flicked out a switchblade, but he couldn’t even summon up the energy to protest. He just squeezed his eyes closed, and then he felt a tug on his left sleeve, accompanied by a tearing sound. Cracking one eye open, he saw that Perry was slitting the sleeve open from wrist to shoulder. Once he was finished, the agent took a step back. He twirled the knife in his fingers, and it vanished.

“Show-off,” Doofenshmirtz grumbled, reaching for the keyboard on his desk. Infinitely thankful he’d left the computer on this morning, he hit a few keys, and the panel in his arm popped open. He quickly reached for it and pressed a button inside, turning off the arm’s sensory functions. The pain faded to a dull ache, and he heaved a sigh of relief, sagging in the chair.

Then he thought of what he was going to have to ask of Perry next, and all the blood returned to his face, with a few extra shades of crimson. Unable to look the agent in the eye, he mumbled, “I need to take m-my shirt to disconnect my arm.”

Perry blinked, and then he realized that Heinz was asking for help with the task. He struggled to keep his face neutral as he hooked his fingers under the hem of the turtleneck and began to pull it up. Glancing at Heinz to get some reading on the situation, he saw the scientist staring at him, and they both looked away as fast as they could. He had to lean even closer to free Heinz’s arms from their sleeves, so close that he could catch the smell of machinery and late nights working on blueprints, and he suddenly felt like he could bury his face into the crook of the scientist’s neck and just breathe in the scent of grease and paper and ink forever. The thought startled him so badly that he abruptly yanked the shirt the rest of the way off and hurriedly stepped away.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” Heinz protested. “I’m still in pain, you know!”

Perry’s eyes were fixed on the black fabric in his hands – somehow, he just couldn’t bring himself to look up. Sure, he’d seen Doofenshmirtz in various states of undress before, but this time _he_ was the one who’d done the undressing. Just the idea of it had his ears burning red.

Heinz, on the other hand, couldn’t look away from the agent. Having Perry so close in a nonviolent situation was having an effect he hadn’t fully seen coming. Sure, he’d had some late-night imaginings- No. Not going there. Besides, there was a more pressing matter at hand. The residual pain was still scratching at the back of his mind. He cleared his throat so loudly that Perry twitched a little in surprise. “Can, can you get some bandages and antiseptic out of the bathroom?” he asked, hastily switching his gaze to the computer. “Gonna need them when I take my arm off.” When he looked back, the agent was gone. He put his right hand on his left shoulder, and his fingers came away slicked with a thin layer of blood. Definitely pulled something. What a disaster.

He began to pull the tools he needed out of one of the desk drawers. They were different from the tools he used to build his inators – due to the detailed nature of his arms, these tools needed to be smaller, more refined. He’d just finished laying them out on the desk when Perry reappeared at his side.

“Okay,” Heinz said. “Just, just hold onto my arm for a second. I’m going to disconnect it.” He unrolled a long USB cord, plugging one end into the back of the keyboard and the other into the panel inside his arm. A window popped up on the computer screen, and he quickly navigated his way through it. There was a pneumatic hiss, and the arm popped off at the shoulder. Perry carefully set it to the side and picked up the washcloth he’d brought along. The source of the bleeding was apparent now – tiny boltholes circled the shoulder socket just under the skin to help hold the arm in place, and some of the tissue around them had torn a little. He began to wipe it clean, careful of the other wires and gears that replaced the joint.

Heinz hissed a bit as Perry began to apply the antiseptic, but held perfectly still. It never ceased to amaze him how the secret agent almost always knew what to do. He was entranced by his nemesis’ focused expression, and the feel of calloused fingers against his skin, rough and yet gentle…

He suppressed a shiver and forced himself to look away until Perry finally finished and stepped back. Heinz put a hand to his forehead. He still had a pounding headache – now probably wasn’t the best time to try repairing his arm. “Do you mind if I call it a day?” he asked as reached for another drawer, pulling out the cap he put on his left shoulder to protect it while he wasn’t wearing his arm.

Perry shook his head silently, watching as Heinz fixed the cap into place.

“I guess that’s it, then,” Heinz sighed, heaving himself out of the chair. The sudden movement made his head spin, and he stumbled forward into Perry. He slumped over the agent’s shoulder, struggling to get his bearings again as Perry lowered him back into the chair. Once Heinz was settled again, Perry held out his hand. Cupped in his palm were two pills, and Heinz recognized them as ibuprofen. Gratefully, he accepted the medication and popped them into his mouth, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

Perry watched as the scientist’s breathing began to even out. Heinz wasn’t really attractive by any conventional standards, but Perry had never really been one for convention, and he found his nemesis appealing in more ways than one.

Then he realized he’d been staring for about a minute too long, and he hastily backed out of the study, leaving Doofenshmirtz to take his nap. Standing uncertainly in the hallway, he wondered what he should do next. He couldn’t just _leave_ – Heinz probably still needed help. It was late afternoon now, and he took his phone out to text Linda. _Prblms @ wrk. B home l8._ He hit send and had just pocketed it when his text tone _bing_ ed. Pulling it back out, he checked Linda’s reply.

_Aw! You’ll miss dinner!_

He responded with a sad-faced emoji, and then inspiration struck. Dinner! Happier now that he had a goal, he went to the kitchen to investigate the refriginator and the pantry. The results were a bit disappointing, but that wasn’t surprising. Doofenshmirtz was always behind on his grocery shopping. Still, there was just enough to make something good. Uncooked chicken in the freezer (still fresh enough), frozen peas and corn, spaghetti and sauce in the pantry. Smiling to himself, he got to work. He’d always liked cooking, but he rarely had the time.

He’d been here enough times to become fairly familiar with Heinz’s kitchen, so navigating it wasn’t a problem, and he fell into the comforting rhythm of making a meal. Productive _and_ delicious. What could be better? The time seemed to fly by, and as he was getting ready to set the table, Heinz shuffled in.

The evil scientist yawned and ran his hand through his messy hair. “What smells so good in here?”

Perry gestured to the chicken cooling on the counter, fresh out of the oven. He hadn’t had a chance to plate it with the noodles and vegetables, but it didn’t really matter.

Heinz blinked. “Wow,” he said. “You made dinner?”

Perry shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Heinz moved towards the food, but the bathrobe he’d put on slid off his left shoulder. He grumbled and pulled it back up, but with no left arm to keep it in place, it just fell again. After a few more tries, he made a frustrated sound and gave up. “It’s not like I have any dignity to protect _any_ way,” he grumbled.

There were two plates on the counter next to the food, and Heinz filled one of them up and settled down at the small, round kitchen table. Perry retrieved his own dish and sat down across from him.

Heinz was, apparently, very hungry. He scarfed down his meal like he’d hardly eaten in a week. Perry didn’t find the idea improbably, and he ate his meal at a steadier pace.

As they ate, Perry found his gaze drawn to Heinz’s bare shoulder. He’d seen the mottled scars there before, but never so personally. The fact that both of Heinz’s arms were actually missing was becoming very real in a way it hadn’t been before.

Perry was only halfway through his meal by the time Heinz finished practically licking his plate clean. The doctor sighed contentedly, then noticed Perry. “You’re staring,” he said, his tone more curious than accusatory.

Perry immediately looked away. “Ah, it’s jest… er…” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Yer scars.”

Heinz looked down at his shoulder. “Oh, yeah. Bit of a mess, huh? Heh.” Poking absently at them, he added, “I was lucky with the first one I lost. Clean cut, all the way through. See, back in Gimmelshtump, there was this antiques festival and I ended up working for a guy who exclusively sold old guillotines. That, uh, went about as well as you’d expect.” To drive the point home, he used his right hand to chop through where his left bicep should be, and Perry winced.

“Left arm was trickier, though,” Heinz continued. “It happened while I was doing my whole backpacking around Europe thing. I was on some remote mountain trail when I slipped down this steep slope and long story short my arm got crushed under a boulder. It had me pinned, though, so I had to, ah… work my own way out.”

Perry suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

Heinz was in full backstory mode now. “Because the removal was so, well, _crude_ that it made joining the prosthetic to my nervous system a lot harder. It’s always been the more troublesome of the two. I could even make my right arm seamless, and that was back when I was in secondary school! This one, not so much.” He grimaced. “That’s why it malfunctioned today – I think I screwed up the nerve connections.”

As Heinz was talking, Perry scooted his chair around the table to get another look at his shoulder. “May I?” he asked, lifting his hand hesitantly.

Doofenshmirtz swallowed. “Y-yeah, sure.”

Carefully, Perry traced his fingers over the damaged tissue. It was… it was incredible, really. Heinz had so many frankly horrifying backstories that they probably would’ve broken anyone less resilient under the weight of them. And yet his nemesis kept puttering on through life, like everything was okay. Maybe he was just too damn stubborn to stop.

“Perry?”

Heinz’s voice startled Perry out of his trance, and he realized that he was _much_ closer than he’d intended to be. He looked up and found himself practically nose-to-nose with his nemesis, and for a second his breath caught in his throat. Heinz’s eyes were a strange mixture of fear and something else – something darker, something almost… hungry.

Perry bit his lip, and Heinz’s gaze fixated on the agent’s mouth.

Rarely did Perry throw caution to the wind, but impulse overtook him. He closed the gap between them and brushed his lips against Heinz’s, like a question.

Whatever had been restraining Heinz snapped, and he grabbed the back of Perry’s head, crushing their mouths together in a desperate, sloppy kiss. Perry felt like some iron band around his chest released, and he returned the kiss in kind, fisting one hand in Heinz’s hair and sneaking the other inside the bathrobe. Heinz let out a small groan at the touch, and Perry had to get _closer_ , so he moved from his chair to the scientist’s lap, breaking the kiss for the moment.

Taking the opportunity, Heinz began to ask, “Is this okayyyhhhhaa-” He broke off into a whimper as Perry began to pepper tiny kisses along his jaw line and down his throat, pausing at the crook of his neck to scrape his teeth against the soft skin there. Heinz dug his fingers into Perry’s shirt, his head lolling back. Perry undid the knot and pushed the bathrobe the rest of the way off. He gently rubbed his thumbs around Heinz’s nipples and went to work on his collarbone.

Heinz shuddered. “A-are we really-” He inhaled sharply, “-going to do this?”

Perry paused and met Heinz’s eyes. “D’ye want ta?”

Heinz buried his face against Perry’s neck. “ _Mein Gott_ , yes,” he breathed. Then a thought occurred to him. “This chair’s a _teeny_ bit uncomfortable, though.”

“Th’ couch is righ’ o’er there,” Perry suggested, motioning with his head.

“Yes, good,” Heinz replied, and Perry smirked a little at the poorly concealed desperation. He stood and hauled Heinz to his feet, and they stumbled into the living room together, Heinz working at Perry’s awful yellow-plaid tie while the agent fumbled with the buttons of his own shirt. The tie was gone and the shirt half-unbuttoned by the time the back of Heinz’s legs bumped into the couch. What they were about to do suddenly became very real, and crippling insecurity overtook him. “Are you absolutely su-” he tried, but before he could finish, he found himself lying back on the cushions with Perry above him. Perry held Heinz’s waist, pressed his lips to his chest, and began to carefully trace the latticework of scars with his tongue. Heinz gasped, his toes curling as Perry moved his hands downwards, brushing them along the inside of Heinz’s thighs. The scientist slid his hand under Perry’s button-up shirt, only to realize that Perry was also wearing a T-shirt.

“Are you serious?” he complained, tugging at the extra layer. Perry smiled and unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way, sliding it off and tossing it to the side. Then he hooked his fingers under the hem and pulled it off over his head.

Heinz was entranced. He’d seen Perry without a shirt before, but never so personally before. Perry had the kind of body that deserved its own page in _Handsome and Symmetrical Men_. It just wasn’t fair, he thought.

That insecurity began to creep back in, and Perry seemed to read it in his face, because he leaned down for another kiss. It wasn’t like their previous kisses – this one was deeper, lingering and tender. Heinz melted into it, hesitantly putting his hand on Perry’s waist as the agent tangled his fingers into Heinz’s hair. He marveled at the feel of Perry’s solid muscles beneath his palm and grew bolder, exploring upwards. His fingers brushed against the scar from the wound he’d stitched up for Perry, eliciting an almost imperceptible shiver. Unable to help himself, Heinz began to move his hand back down, sweeping his thumb over Perry’s hipbone, and he heard Perry’s breath hitch. Feeling a bit braver, he began to work on Perry’s belt, but the agent closed his hand over Heinz’s, stopping him.

“Wha-” Heinz began, but was cut off as Perry pressed his hand over the bulge straining at Heinz’s pants. He moaned and thumped his head back against the armrest. Perry undid the zipper, and Heinz had never seen the agent so smug. He wanted to wipe that smirk off his face somehow, but the thought evaporated as Perry freed Heinz’s cock and rubbed his thumb over the tip. Heinz let out a low keening sound and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt Perry shift above him, and then warm wetness enveloped him. Involuntarily, his hips jerked upwards, and Perry held him down as he went to work, sucking and licking. Somehow, he knew _just_ the right spots to gently scrape against with his teeth, and _oh that tongue was magic_.

Heinz met Perry’s dark eyes, and his stomach tightened at the sight of the handsome agent with his lips wrapped around his cock. Now that Heinz was watching, Perry pulled back with a wet _pop_ and slowly licked his palm from the wrist to his fingertips, coating it with saliva, transfixing Heinz’s gaze. Then Perry wrapped his hand around Heinz again, and the scientist scrabbled for him. “Wait, wait,” he gasped, and Perry stopped, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

“You still have your pants on,” Heinz said, hooking his index finger into Perry’s belt. “No fair.”

Perry huffed a laugh and slid off to stand next to the couch, starting on the buckle. Heinz propped his head up on his arm to watch Perry push his pants and boxer briefs down in the same motion. As he stepped out of them, Heinz said, “Ooh, yeah, take it off,” with a suggestive eyebrow waggle.

Perry rolled his eyes, but a small smile was playing at his lips, and he struck a pose. Cheeks burning, Heinz fell back onto the couch to hide his face. He felt Perry’s hands on his hips again, tugging at the scientist’s pants. Still covering his face with his hand, he arched up to make it easier for Perry to take the grey pants off.

Both of them fully undressed, Perry settled back on top of Heinz and leaned in for another kiss. Heinz could feel Perry’s cock against his belly, hot and hard, and he dug his fingers into Perry’s back, greedily sucking at the agent’s lower lip. Perry broke away from the kiss first and sat back, admiring his nemesis. His eyes were half-lidded and glazed with need, his hair messier than usual and his breathing heavy, and Perry was the one who’d gotten him into this state. The scientist was like putty in his hands, and Perry wanted to know every bit of him, how to mold him, what would make him writhe, what would make him _scream_.

Heinz squirmed impatiently beneath him, and Perry wetted his hand again with his tongue. Shifting back until their cocks were pressed against each other, Perry wrapped his hand around them, and Heinz shuddered. Perry started off with long, easy strokes and Heinz bit down on his lip at the sensation of his nemesis’ strong calloused hands. His world shrunk down to the small space between them, the atmosphere hot and heavy. Perry was almost completely silent, but his body language betrayed how close he was. Heinz could practically _feel_ the agent’s heart pounding, and he was beginning to lose the steady pace. Their hips stuttered together, desperate to be closer, desperate for that friction. Then Perry made that sound, that odd chatter-growl, but it was drawn out and unsteady, and the agent twined the fingers of his free hand with Heinz’s, squeezing tightly, and with a strangled groan, Heinz followed Perry over the edge. For a moment, there was nothing else, just him and Perry, tangled together on the couch, and it was all that mattered.

Then the haze began to clear, and Heinz let his eyes slide shut contentedly, basking in the afterglow as Perry rested his forehead in the crook of Heinz’s neck, slowly catching his breath again.

“That was pretty good,” Heinz said, idly stroking his thumb over the back of Perry’s hand.

Perry hummed in agreement.

“Next time, though, I want to have both my arms,” Heinz added, and then he froze. “I mean, if- if there’s a next time, there’s OWCA and we’re supposed to be-”

Perry kissed the doctor to stop him. “That kin come later,” he said.

Heinz unwound a little. “So, you’re… you’re okay with this?”

“Aye,” Perry replied with a small smile.

 Heinz’s responding grin was bright enough to light up the whole city.


	2. Epilogue: What OWCA Thinks

“Ah, Agent P,” Major Monogram said as Perry settled into the chair in front of the huge monitor. “Doofenshmirtz doesn’t seem to be up to anything today, so we have another assignment for you.”

Perry listened and took mental notes, and when his superior was finished, he raised his hand slightly.

“Yes, what is it?” Monogram asked.

Perry unconsciously fiddled with his tie as he glanced away and said, “Out a’ curiosity, sir. What’s th’ policy on… relations… with an assigned nemesis?”

Monogram’s monobrow furrowed. “I’m not sure I understand the question.”

Perry struggled for the right words, and was (un)fortunately saved by Carl. “He wants to know if it’s okay to have sex with Dr. Doofenshmirtz, sir,” the intern said from off-screen.

“Oh!” Monogram said, and squinted down at Perry. “Haven’t you already been doing that, though?”

Perry shook his head. “Jest last night,” he mumbled, cheeks burning.

“Ha!” Carl exclaimed, his head poking into view. “I _told_ you he’d tell us once it happened!”

“Shut up, Carl,” Monogram said with a glare before looking back at Perry, who was wondering if it was possible to die of sheer embarrassment. “Will this interfere with your ability to do your job?”

Perry shook his head.

“Will you be able to keep your cover intact?”

Perry nodded.

“Then I don’t see any problem. Dismissed!”

Barely suppressing a grin, Perry saluted, hopped into his jet, and blasted away.

Monogram stroked his moustache contemplatively.

“You owe me twenty dollars, sir.”

“Shut _up_ , Carl.”


End file.
